you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
