Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
