that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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