I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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