Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
