But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
