hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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