I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
