Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
