I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
