so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
