You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
