apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
no you cant smoke seaweed
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
