Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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