I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
