A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
