I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
