Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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