Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
