Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
