wakey wakey hands off snakey
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
