wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
