Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
