hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
