Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have fence marks all over my body
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
