The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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