I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
