I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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