I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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