No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
