Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
