Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
