I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
