would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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