my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
