I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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