Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
