my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
