His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
