i think i scared a bird with my dick
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
