Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
