I need to stop coming to work sober
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
