Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
