Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just want to make out with him forever
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
