please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
