You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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