Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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