Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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