Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
