I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
