I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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