i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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